I have lost the feeling for time*
The endless dial which goes around
I have lost the sense of direction*
Yet it is strange
The inner beauty I have experienced*
I am just a beginner now
Even if I don't know how*
The path I have stepped on
Will it follow the sun? *
I look across the ocean*
Heavy waves splashing on rocks
I experience the motion*
To fly with the wind
To follow the seagulls freedom*
The burden I have carried is gone
But not really altogether*
There always will be some worry
But I don't have to pretend anymore
I can be myself*
Only to grow
And to be honest *
Lord, you know how I hated the lies*
How I tried to shake off the disguise
It wasn't me all these years*
No, it was only the shell
And you know I went through plenty of hell*
Brought on by me, brought on by others
Who am I to put the blame on someone else*
Or to judge?
All I know now is that I want to change
Being the woman I really am*
Remember what I have written in the sand
"
Love, Peace and Joy on Earth
Through Christ our Lord*
I meant it
Though people stepped carelessly on it
And the water probably washed it away
The ocean is carrying the message
Endless, timeless -around the world-
People with open hearts and wise eyes
They will see, they will hear
I had the notion to baptize myself
In the Gulf of Mexico
Jesus, did you hear my heart talking
The prayers for peace and love
This is my Christmas wish from above""*
"
Symbolizing I have washed my past away,
My sins, and asked for forgiveness*
Have you granted my plea?
I am sure you did see*
How sincerely I felt
It wasn't the only message I had engraved
On the white endless beach*
I cried out to you to be saved
I begged for the love in my soul*
I have for another human being
Which is in a way as lost as I am*
To put your wings over us
Not to let us loose the trust*
In each other
I am ready to give myself more then ever in my life
Though I was told several times not to expect the same*
I don't - but I am offering my love -
That is all I will do*
Jesus, it is up to you
What you want me to have*
And what is off limits
May I ask you something?
It's crazy, but my eyes go blind with tears
Why Lord, why now*
Please please let me be happy
Let me understand other human beings*
Let me reach out and help
It's not so much that I wan't to please myself*
I feel more joy to please others
Especially for one person*
A person who knows how and what I feel
Yet don't really know what to do with it*
I don't blame him
In a way I am a crazy lady, Lord
With dreams stacked up like a warehouse*
I am being foolish so much
I feel like a child*
Want to be touched
To be loved and cared for*
Honestly without false statements
God, what am I trying to tell you*
Somehow I can't put it in words
But you see through*
In every corner of my soul
Make me whole*
Please?